Light of Desperation

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Desperation is defined as a state of despair, typically one that results in rash or extreme behavior.  So here I am, taking my extreme behavior and putting into writing in hopes of finding sobriety and all the good that comes with it.  Here is my Day1.

Despair is the theme in my life you see and it gives me much reason to drink, self sabotage and be self-destructive.  I was sexually abused by many members of my family including my father from the age of 5 till I was “date” raped at 13. It was here I turned to alcohol and pot and they became my friends, my comfort, my courage, my empowerment and my enemies. I have been married 3 times, divorced twice and 2 of my 3 sons have been diagnosed with the very deadly cruel disease of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I am a step momma of 4 kiddos pet momma of 2 pit pups. Needless to say, yet I will say it anyway…I HAVE ISSUES! High anxiety, lots of worry, many fears, PTSD, trauma, grief, lack of faith and trust, depressed….desperate.

I just have to believe that in all of this desperation, there is light that is waiting to shine.  I look forward to documenting my journey here and pray that it helps someone out there as I pray it will help me. It will be raw, no filters, just brutal. How else can one grow if she doesn’t just tell the whole truth.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

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