Thank God, I have made it through Day 3! I kept thinking it was Day 4 for some reason and I think it’s because the voice in my head wanted to say “see, you can do this, now you can drink moderately.” Uuuh, Yeah, NO!!!!! NO I CAN’T!!! Remember the bottle of wine plus 2 beers you drink regularly and have done so for the past 3 years!!!!?
So Day 3. I am not exactly sure when the last time I was on Day 3. I do vaguely remember going to Day 6 sometime last year during a Whole Foods Challenge. I would drink 2 glasses of wine every 7th day. That is so different from what I am attempting to do today.
The day was a roller coaster. I can’t really make it all out. I wanted to go for a jog after the kids went off to school but instead I allowed my big pitbull honey to lay on me for about 45 minutes while I caught up on a favorite show of mine and drank coffee. I was concerned because mornings like this that seem like I am going to spend the day in front of the TV, I end up opening a bottle of wine at 11:30ish and set laundry or a drawer I need to organize in front of the TV and seep on my wine. I was thankful when my dear childhood friend called me and we talked for 2 hours and 40 minutes. I shared with her about my blog and my new intentions in sobriety. We talked about growth, our children, our spouses and so much more! I enjoyed it. While talking I got much done around the house. 2 loads of laundry, dishes washed, dishwasher unloaded, counters wiped, swept, cleaned up living room, fed dogs and we finally hung up when I arrived at the grocery store. Once I was at the grocery store (a grocery store I visit almost daily for my red wine fix) I didn’t give much thought to the temptation. I just told myself to get what I needed and get out. It went really well. I even walked through the beer and wine isle unconsciously to get to other items at the end of the isles and I didn’t get stuck or froze nor contemplated nor negotiated with my head. That felt very good. Once home however, I felt irritated and so I decided to sit and cuddle with my pit babies and finish watching another one of my favorite shows I recorded. I ended up napping which surprised me greatly as I didn’t feel tired. I once read that obsessing about sobriety can be exhausting, I guess they were right. I have been reading none stop sober blogs and listening to several audio books. I just finished for the 2nd time listening to Drinking; A Love Story and now I am listening to Alcohemy: The Solution to Ending Your Alcohol Habit. At 3pm I got up and started on dinner. At 3:20 my youngest got home and we started on homework. At 4:20, my middle child got home and I worked on making him comfortable (he is wheelchair bound and so has many discomforts). At 4:50, I head over to the YMCA with my youngest to coach 5 yr old soccer. At 6pm I hurry home to finish dinner. At 6:20, beloved shows up with my 4 stepchildren. I feel irritated again. Beloved stops and stands in the kitchen with me, offers help and asks why I feel so irritated and I couldn’t answer. I told him maybe it was because I am used to numbing any and all feelings that I just may feel uncomfortable. He helps me talk it out a little and I feel better afterwards. At 7:30, I serve Chicken N Dumpling soup and it’s a HIT! Kids ask for seconds, beloved thanks me and offers me many kisses. 8:15, I go out and recycle. 8:30, I put my boys to bed. 9:00 pm, beloved offers to sit in the hot tub and watch the football game outside and have a cigar with him. I accept. I change into my swimsuit and when I come down, we both were by the refrigerator. I go and grab a bottle of water, he goes and grabs a beer. I made the comment that the beer looked good and he says, “there is one left.” Without a thought and NO HESITATION, I say, “NO THANKS!” He says, “WOW” I am laughing right now as I am typing! It felt so damn good!
Once outside, beloved shares with me about his day and a possible new job opportunity! I am elated! Hubby hardly ever offers to share much about his job. What is going on here? I still can’t help but to wonder if this whole time it has been ME avoiding conversation and eye contact because I had something to hide almost always!
I felt very much present in my life today. I am thankful I got through my irritations without any drink. I feel more love from my husband (it was always there but I rejected it) but most importantly, I kinda like myself just a little more today. 🙂 Now if only I can get back to working out more consistently and losing this extra 15 lbs I picked up during all this drinking.
Good Night, I am going to bed to get ready to kick Day 4’s ass!