My beloved came home late from a work meeting last night and even though he brushed his teeth, I could smell the wine in his breath and I didn’t like it. I more than didn’t like it, I HATED it! I actually felt anger!
I have noticed my negative feelings when he has had some drinks and I smell it instantly in his breath. Even if he has had just one.
I know why I feel almost repulsed by the smell and I am afraid to tell him. My father. He use to come into my bedroom after a night of drinking with his friends at the bar. Before he even went to his room, he came to mine and asked me to do things to him, sexual things. I could smell the alcohol seeping out of his body. My husband’s breath takes me back to this part of my childhood.
I don’t think I could be intimate with my love if he has had some drinks now that I am sober. I will need to tell him before the situation comes up.
Also, I was so stupid to think that no one could smell my alcohol just because I brushed my teeth. I was with my neighbor this morning and I mentioned this part of it after yoga class and she said “I smelled it several times but I didn’t want to make you feel bad.” š¦ so shameful. How many people at church smelled it, I wonder. Sigh
lightofdesperation 
Yes :-(. You will have to when you feel up to it. It might be smart to do this when he has not been drinking so you don’t have to deal with feeling repulsed AND having a conversation at once. But maybe you had worked that out yourself too š
Congrats on your day 16. š I am happy for you!
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I agree. Thank you so much for the encouragement and support!
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Many blessings to you on day 16!
And yeah, I always assumed vodka was odorless and undetectable. Um, not the case! š
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Does your husband know already? Good luck, it’ll be a tough conversation to have, but it’ll be worth it. Best wishes for everything!
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My heart goes out to you! The shame over what we have done, the things we had no control over….
Sounds like you have a pretty special man, be open and honest and do the next right thing!
God bless!
Katie
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Conversation went really well, now the test will be once he has some drinks. He gets so lovey dovey which of course I love, that’s his real nature with me. He is a very affectionate man. So I am going to guess, this will be difficult to contain after a couple of drinks.
A bestest friend J told me this morning she knew exactly the smell as well but for her it’s linked to good memories, comforting onces. Her mommy had this breath. So maybe I can try to see it that way. Either way, if it becomes a problem then we will need to deal with it. I am lucky he isn’t a daily drinker like I was.
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Glad you are working out the problem with him and the smell of alcohol. I have noticed that in the first month of being sober, I often have a lot of anger towards the people I love the most who still drink (at least last time I made it 30ish days, I felt that way). I feel like this is just a phase and part of getting through the tough stage of quitting. Maybe some of the anger comes from the fact that you think it was unfair that he had a drink without you. Finding ways to cope with the situation or as you stated above, turning it into something happy (ie. knowing that he loves you and isn’t going to hurt you) should help a lot. — So glad you are on day 16!!!! Good for you. =)
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Apart from the old memory which is psychologically HUGE and I plan to work it out with my therapist today, I do know I feel mostly insecurities if he has drinks away from home which is rare really. I can only think a handful of times he has had drinks away from home in the 3yrs of marriage. 2 business trips, 2 chess matches and the interview the other night. I make up in my mind that he may find other women more beautiful than I, more sophisticated, more intelligent. Maybe a single woman with no children and lots of freedom may call his attention, a woman in control, well put together, etc. IF he finds such a women, than maybe with some drinks, he may pursue her.
That’s really all in my head. My husband has NEVER given me any evidence that he even cares to “see” another women. IF I pay attention and be more accepting, he truly adores ME (a concept that is still foreign to me) I am very aware this is due to some of my past abuses and my insecurities were one of my BIG reasons I started to drink more frequently. I felt invisible and confident until I felt MORE insecure and had no dignity. š¦ that’s one of my BIG reasons I stopped drinking as well.
As far as him having drinks at home, I am perfectly fine with it so far. We are both in a learning phase and so we are going along and making up the rules as we do. The first rule was: no wine in the house. That’s my poison, I can see beer in the fridge and ignore it just fine this far and the none alcoholic beers has suited me smoothly as a substitute. And yesterday we made the rule that he not be intimate if he has had several drinks if I end up triggered and as I work it out in counseling. I believe this rule is tricky and we will need to learn more about it and redfine it.
Thank you all for your support. .IT’S AWESOME! !!!!!! This merhod of sobering up WORKS
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Congratulations on having the conversation with your husband. I always find that the thought of broaching difficult issues is much worse than actually doing it. My husband often surprises me by how reasonable he is, making me realise that my reality is made up in my head most of the time and not based on truth. Sounds like you are winning xx
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I agree sobersuzy….a lot of it is the assumptions we make up in our heads. We stress ourselves out for nothing in the end.
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