Uuuf, I am TIRED! Been up since 4:30am this morning. Went to spin class, showered, cooked breakfast, got boys ready for school, got my eyes checked (need glasses), donated clothes, recycled, went grocery shopping, unloaded groceries, went to women’s counseling group, got home, started dinner, helped boys with homework, got V comfortable (is complaining of severe pain on foot, we have a Dr’s apt tomorrow to xray him), took care of dogs, cleaned kitchen, served dinner, cleaned kitchen again and put the rest of dinner (I cooked 2 pots of soup tonight) into freezer containers in preparation for V’s recovery after surgery. Oh and I did a couple of loads of laundry. Gosh I really missed our attendant today, she was so helpful
I’ve done well thus far with regards to my workouts and food preps. I worked out 4 out of the 6 scheduled workouts last week and cooked every day I scheduled myself to cook (some meals were doubled again to store in freezer for V’s recovery). I even managed to lose 3 lbs! I feel mostly happy until the clouds of worry, fear, sadness come over me.Then I try to replace it with gratitude, like today I felt so grateful for my husband and him providing a way for me to be able to stay home and focus on the boys and my own recovery and healing. I went back to when I was a single mom and attempted to put myself back there in these same circumstances plus adding bills and work to the mix and I honestly don’t think I would be able to live through that. I am thankful for him, his love and support. He knows I am working hard not just for our children, the house, the dogs but he also is aware of me working hard on my recovery and healing past traumas. He gifted me this weekend with some good yummy tea for almost reaching 30 days sobriety. He is incredibly thoughtful.
The theme lately has been this darkness and the rewards that it provides. Today in session, we worked on BEING OUR OWN HERO (Rescuing our Inner child) and am now listening to Learning to Walk in the Dark written by Barbara Brown Taylor. I downloaded the audio to my Audible application on my phone. Before this I listened to Dark Knights of the Soul and before that I was reading The Untouched Key, Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity & Destructiveness by Alice Miller.
Yet even after all that “self” work, the temptation for a beer lingered though out the day. I even started to negotiate with the temptation. “Booze never got me anywhere I wanted to go” was my thought to compact the temptation.
Another day sober in the books. Another day of self awareness and discovery. My it’s exhausting. Good night friends!