Day 60: Sadness, Mourning, Grief, Temptation, Hope, Determination and some pictures to accompany such

December 18th.

So much has gone on since I last wrote. I was just finishing up a post I was writing while my stay at the hospital with V on December 9th and titled it Hospital Alcohol Stories 😦  I lost the darn post due to my swiping my screen to remove a piece of dust. 😦  This happens often (losing my posts) when I attempt to post and it’s extremely frustrating. So much so I just want to quite yet quitting isn’t an option as I AM struggling right now for some wine.

We were released from the hospital on December 10th and we have been home with V recovering. In a way, we are both recovering and I now am sure that “recovering” is what we will do for the rest of our lives.  You see, V is struggling with his new limitations. We haven’t found a way for him to feed himself like he use to again. A high percentage of boys that get this surgery lose their independence in this area and other areas. Like I now have to wipe him when he uses number 2. He realizes that his arms don’t have the strength to come up to his mouth, head, etc. Him using his phone is a chore. Once we get past this mourning and go see the Dr. on the 23rd to see if he can get physical/occupational therapy again, we can then get proactive and find other means to do these tasks and help him gain back some independence.

As for me, I feel very much like a mom of a newborn except my newborn is 13 and 95 pounds. We both don’t sleep much sometimes waking up every 2 hours to turn him in his bed, readjust him and/or give him more pain medication.

I have kept up with my workouts, even in the hospital, I worked out 6 out of the 8 days we were there often just hitting the stairs going up and down the 21 floors or running out for a quick run while V rested. I have lost 10 lbs so far and it feels great.  It has truly been my saving grace so many times when I have felt defeated, I always come back from a workout feeling like I can do this and continue to fight our struggles through.

I have been struggling though and sometimes think about a glass bottle of wine to numb the pain or to release it. I haven’t been able to really cry since I was at the hospital and met a fellow Facebook DMD mom who’s 13 yr old son is dying from heart failure because of the disease, the same disease that will one day take my boys. I need to cry, I need to mourn but I (for whatever reason) stop the tears, dismiss the pain and keep moving on with the next task.

This holiday season, of course, adds to the struggle to lay off the drink. I have passed several annual traditional get togethers because of it. I use to be excited for the opportunity to be around drinkers and me not drink, but the struggle is real as of late so best to avoid the temptation during my vulnerable state.

Tonight will be my first night out without the children and away from V. I am going to a concert (Train) with my husband and our neighbors which thank God, don’t drink. This will be a good time and I look forward to seeing what fun looks like without drinking. It will be my 1st concert without alcohol.  I will let you guys know about the experience.

Well, thank you so much for reading.  Thank you so much for the support. I will “talk” to you guys soon again. Forgive my writing, I just don’t have time to proof read right now. Gotta get back to V.

Love, Veronica.

The night I cried my eyes out in agony for my new friend and DMD mom who's son is dying from heart failure, I ventured out for a walk while V was resting and in the block I walked on, there was a Chipotle restaurant, a sushi restaurant, a newstand store with bottles of wine, a BBQ join with beer on tap and a Starbucks (thank God for starbucks)!  I didn't give in but I sure did give in to my tears
The night I cried my eyes out in agony for my new friend and DMD mom who’s son is dying from heart failure, I ventured out for a walk while V was resting and in the block I walked on, there was a Chipotle restaurant (beer), a sushi restaurant (beer), a newstand store with bottles of wine (4pack for easy disposal), a BBQ join with beer on tap and a Starbucks (thank God for Starbucks)! I didn’t give in but I sure did give in to my tears
Breath of God
This was my running route by the hospital. The trees were very lovely and the weather was fantastic! I truly felt the breath of God on me which inspired me and strengthened me!
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This is me weight training as I am preparing to run a half marathon in January. I am sporting my Run For Our Son’s tshirt. For more information about the disease, please visit: http://www.parentprojectmd.org To help donate towards the fight for a cure, please go to my personal fundraising page at: http://www.chevronhoustonmarathon.com/donate/personalpage.cfm?MID=12298&CRID=37
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This was my training calendar for the month of November up to December 13th. I feel proud and accomplished when I see check marks on it. Those are workout completed.
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This picture I took on an early morning run this week. The sun was just rising. A gently reminder of God’s hope, grace and love. ❤
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This is the rest of the month’s calendar of workouts and some of next months. I will be running on January 18th, which will be my 91st day of sobriety! 😀
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5 Replies to “Day 60: Sadness, Mourning, Grief, Temptation, Hope, Determination and some pictures to accompany such”

    1. I am humbled by your kind words and at the same time I shy away feeling like I don’t really have the strength, I just have to survive. I don’t know why it’s difficult for me to accept a kind compliment, just something I need to do some soul searching over.

      I appreciate so very much and greatly your prayers! I DO believe it is HIM carrying me through these difficult times. I couldn’t be sober without him. Your prayers are indeed heard and because of that, I believe it is also YOUR strength with me that helps me get through. 🙂 hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I get uncomfortable when someone compliments me also but you should know its the truth. You are suiting up and showing up and its really inspiring and commendable.
        Keep the strength and I will keep praying 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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