I had 3 today. THREE! Huge stressors that made me feel short of breath, light headed and feeling like I’m going to die any minute now….
Huge breaths couldn’t reach me deep down enough to calm me. What the fuck? What is wrong with me? Why am I getting this way?
Ever since this minimalism thing has come into my life, I am more aware of my surroundings and they bring on so much stress and feeling of being overwhelmed. I can’t keep up with “things”, actual things. It’s the same toys, dishes, pots, torn up dog toys, bed sheets, makeup, accessories, shoes, etc. Damn it why won’t they stay in their place, in their “home.” I’m so tired of organizing and re organizing, thinking that if I just get it done, I will feel better.
All this stuff over stimulates my senses and I literally feel I am losing my mind!
WHERE IS THE SIMPLE LIFE! !!!???? Seriously, I already have so much responsibilities with my self (healing, growth, recovery, sobriety), with my special needs boys, with being a wife and a stepmother and owning 2 dogs. Why must I keep wasting my time organizing stuff?
I can’t just purge though. Truly, my husband and stepkids are “collectors”, sentimental about their material things.
I yearn solitude, quiet and space. Lots and lots of space to grow, wonder like a child making discoveries. I yearn to explore without worrying about cleaning out the fridge!
I may just be in some real need of a daily maid. How much do those cost anyway?
Or maybe the pursuit of minimalism is fucking with my head bad