Posted on by lightofdesperation

Anxiety attacks and minimalism

I had 3 today. THREE! Huge stressors that made me feel short of breath, light headed and feeling like I’m going to die any minute now….

Huge breaths couldn’t reach me deep down enough to calm me. What the fuck? What is wrong with me?  Why am I getting this way?

Ever since this minimalism thing has come into my life, I am more aware of my surroundings and they bring on so much stress and feeling of being overwhelmed.  I can’t keep up with “things”, actual things.  It’s the same toys, dishes, pots, torn up dog toys, bed sheets, makeup,  accessories,  shoes, etc. Damn it why won’t they stay in their place, in their “home.”  I’m so tired of organizing and re organizing,  thinking that if I just get it done, I will feel better.

All this stuff over stimulates my senses and I literally feel I am losing my mind!

WHERE IS THE SIMPLE LIFE! !!!???? Seriously,  I already have so much responsibilities with my self (healing, growth, recovery,  sobriety), with my special needs boys, with being a wife and a stepmother and owning 2 dogs. Why must I keep wasting my time organizing stuff?

I can’t just purge though.  Truly,  my husband and stepkids are “collectors”, sentimental about their material things.

I yearn solitude,  quiet and space. Lots and lots of space to grow, wonder like a child making discoveries. I yearn to explore without worrying about cleaning out the fridge!

I may just be in some real need of a daily maid.  How much do those cost anyway?

Or maybe the pursuit of minimalism is fucking with my head bad

14 Replies to “Anxiety attacks and minimalism”

  1. Deep breath.
    I hear you. My husband is a hoarder. My kids are collectors.
    Is it preventing you from using your house? Is it bothering anyone else? If not, let it go. I had to. And when I did I felt relieved. No one is measuring you by your house.

    Get in the bath. Close your eyes. Relax.

    I also sometimes take gaba (from the natural food store) for anxiety. It really helps.

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    1. Oh thank you so much ainsobriety! I was just wishing for something natural to take for anxiety. Thank you thank you thank you!

      I came home frkm church to hubby folding tge laundry. Although everything was out of order…it was sweet for him to try to help me 😉

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  2. Aaaah, Light! I hear you. No, not only you, I actually hear all my ex boyfriends too…. I’m the hoarder in a relation :-(. I did use Crab Apple from the Bach Remedies and they make clean an unhoard immediately. Maybe combined with Star of Bethlehem for letting go. They are natural drops of, not sure if I say it correctly but I would say: ‘concentrated energy of the type that one needs to solve mental and spiritual (and physical) issues. If you don’t know them you might want to have a look into them. They do contain alcohol though but for me that is not a problem, put some drops in a glass, fill it up with water, let it stand for an hour or as long as you like and drink.
    And I am giving advise on Bach remedies that I am not taking myself. Sorry for that truthlessness (is that a word?) – and I’m still going to let this reply be here as it is.
    Thinking of you, sending love,
    xx, Feeling

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  3. I know what you mean, I admire Buddhists who own 8 things (including their clothes) or the aboriginals in Australia who just get up and walk, finding everything they need in the environment. Clutter drives me mad and the monotony (is that spelt right?) of housework can be really debilitating. It does bother me more sometimes than others, which leads me to believe that I can ignore/cope with it. Good luck!

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    1. You are such a sweet sweet friend Feeling. Thank you for checking up on me. I’m well and still sober. Just having to process all the feelings I’ve neglected and also feeling the sadness of my boys’ disease. It’s tough now that I don’t numb the feelings away.

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      1. 🙂 Glad to hear from you. 🙂 Happy that you are sober. Yes, your boys’ disease 😦 Sorry to say, I can’t even imagine how big that is, I don’t have kids but I know the state I get in when my cat is only a little off…. So thát, times gazillion… it must be overwhelmingly big. 😦 And, it is so wonderful that you are sober, for me it has helped me to be more together with those I love. I wish I had been sober to enjoy my mother more. Did I tell you what I learned from my mother? She was diagnosed with cancer and said: I AM myself and I HAVE a disease, I AM not the cancer. And another one: ‘I have this disease but next to it, I can still be happy.’ Hmmm, guess that’s why the ‘happy that I quit’ spoke to me so clearly.
        Sending you my love in these dificult times, hope you and your sons can find joy in the springtime.
        Hugs, Feeling

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      3. My mom was wise. I still thank her for all the personal development work she did in order to let her passing away be something we could all speak about. Not something that needed to be hidden, that really, really helped, I guess it took the fear out and allowed us to deal with the moment. It was a beautiful time.
        And yes, wish, wish, wish I had been sober. Did not drink as much then, but still. Need to learn to deal with that.

        CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 5 MONTHS!!! Yeah!!!!! Wow. That is so wonderful, beautiful, lovely 🙂

        Hugs again! ❤ ❤

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  6. Was just checking in from a comment you’d left me a few months ago. So happy to read you are 5 months sober. Way to go baby!
    All the fun stuff is beginning to happen, LOL. A lot of self-awareness starts to sink in over the next year or so, and then, believe it or not, you actually start to feel comfortable in your own skin.
    It will happen, and you will love it.
    Keep it up, I’m rooting for you,
    Christy

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