Could it be me?

You guys, I am having people I love grow increasingly irritated at me. I’ve got my husband whom seems to not like me and then my sister told me a couple of weeks ago to go “F myself” and she no longer has a sister!  All that because I pointed out that her 1 to 2 hour running late affects others and it’s not cute like she thinks. She is 35 years old!  I told her in love but she took it as me trying to “fix” her, ect.  With hubby, he may be feeling the same way. I don’t know. I just know I DO NOT like the way he takes me for granted with the housework, kids, dogs ect. When I point this out to him, he gets extremely defensive and irritated.

I’ve gotta go to class now…but just wanted to know if anyone has experienced people dropping like flies during your recovery.

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9 Replies to “Could it be me?”

    1. With my sister, I don’t have a chance to communicate. She doesn’t take turns talking, she says all she needs to say and hangs out, walks out or may even punch you.

      With hubby, I AM learning and getting better. I agree with you….some of it was total criticism on my part. I did expect growth from him too but now I realize that I one stop his growth by my self righteous behavior.
      Thank you for your comment and I’m sorry it took so long to respond. I’ve been working through these issues.

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  1. I’m not in a relation but what I see around here in the sober blogosphere is that people who get sober change and start to fill in their new sober space. And that requires change from the other person as well because undoubtedly some of his space will be taken. I’m also guessing that, when we get sober, our ways of communication change. It takes a lot to overcome the shame of realising we are addicted and need change. I’m guessing that act of courage does (good!!) things to us.
    Where we used to communicate with a growl and finish off with 2 bottles of wine – or maybe we drunkenly cried our way into what we wanted. Thing is: we now explain our point and require attention and possibly change in behaviour. As I understood it this can lead to conflicts in the relation ;-). The ‘hubby’ now has to deal with stuff he never had to deal with before – we (and maybe he) used to drink our resolve away – or be drunk and argue, giving the other party plenty of reason not to take us seriously. So, there is change there, and we might appreciate that, but the other might appreciate the old, familiar situation
    I am also guessing, what I know from my own experience, is that coming out of the shadows is not always an elegant. In my life that never goes gradually, it goes with fighting and demanding rights. 🙂 Another guess: I thinkg it is difficult for a man or any other adult who has been living with us during drinking, that ‘the woman’ suddenly ‘demands’ from ‘the man’ that he is communicative and responsive. Kind and responsive like other people on the sober blogosphere, in the AA rooms or at the therapist. :-/ I’m guessing that’s not going to work easily. Unless he’s in the care sector, it might take quite some time to level again. I think being aware of our own change is a big thing.

    Having said all of that, I’m not in a relation. I do know that I suddenly can’t stand a few people in my near surroudings anymore. Ieeeeehks, that I have ever put up with their demeaning attitude. Brrrrr… And yes, haha, I can’t even imagine now being with the guys I was with when I was drinking. I’m extreme in this, I can afford so because as I said, nobody is compromised. But I’m guessing there’s an aspect to be considered too: if we were addicted when choosing the current relation, why did we do that and what is about to change?

    Oooh, 1 thing I do know and I think it is universal: men don’t like to be spoken about. Generally they themselfs don’t do it and they do not understand other people who do it. You might want to consider making your blog more private than this one with the beautiful picture of BEAUTIFUL sober you.
    I hope my not so humble opinion can shed a light on your flies that could somewhere be helpful in dealing with the flies dropping. 😉 And being late is ANTI-SOCIAL!! Who does the think she is?! Tsssss…. 😉 (You like? 🙂 )

    Hugs and love, Feeling

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Feeling, I wish I could call you ASAP! I should have, I repeat…SHOULD HAVE READ YOUR COMMENT A LOOONG TIME AGO. I am just now getting to it. I posted this and went on to make mistakes, search for answers, look internally, analyze situations and deal with new situations. In my wondering, I have asked myself about my blogging page and the sharing that is done. You are very wise. Thank you. I find myself agreeing with you…on all of it. Some of what you have written I have come to understand in my absence from blogging and other things you wrote has open my eyes and mind to other possibilities. You are very wise my friend. THANK YOU!

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  3. Hi Light,
    I just read what you wrote here on the 14th of May. I am happy my long comment with loads of typing errors made sense and I am happy you found some value in it. 🙂
    Hope you are doing well and your family is? I am celebrating my 9 months sober today but feeling very lonely because the ‘old clan’ is not online too. Now I suddenly am getting the idea of going to AA and getting a coin. 🙂
    Hope to hear from you.
    xx, Feeling

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    1. Hi Feeling;

      I too have been thinking about AA and that coin. I think I like the idea of the coin and wanting to collect them and move up with them. I’m sorry feeling. I’m having a hard time over here truly dealing with my problems without alcohol. I am making many mistakes. I recently celebrated 7 months without the alcohol, but my other coping mechanisms are just as unhealthy soooooo, I’ve got to get to the point where I can stop crying and get moving in true sobriety.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oooh Light, I hear you. And… I am not sure other coping mechanisms can be as unhealthy, unless you are snorting coke or pushing heroine you HAVE MADE a big step with not drinking. I do hope you are not building up your weed addiction, that I would indeed call not a wise decision. But hey, when you are speaking about it, you are working on it. The path is the destination, there is not a competition and you don’t have to be a saint within a year.
        I am not the one who can write and offer solace. I hope I’ve grown past the tought love projection I (used to?) do. May I say how I see it? You might be used to your life with many kids of which two very ill, but what about the thought that you, in your situation have a lot to deal with? The idea behind addiction is that we create a short track, a quick fix to a happy place. The shittier the situation is, the easier we get addicted. Quitting drinking throws us back into real life and the idea is that once there, we work to unlearn looking for the fast track. I can imagine that, in your situation, the wake-up to the enormity of your reality is not easy. To me crying a lot is part of that. There is this taboo on crying and even more so on feeling sorry for yourself, but F! Life is is difficult and sometimes we are in a shit and I mean, if feeling sorry for yourself was unnatural it would not exist. Staying in that mode never amounts to nothing but crying, being hurt, realising you sometims find yourself at the end of your rope, feeling sorry and hopefully being comforted to get out of it, it is ALL good.
        I am by no means surprised that you want to make yourself feel safe and move into other quick fixes. You call it unhealthy coping mechanisms, well, apparantly you (think you) need it. That is why we do things like addiction: harm reduction. I am guessing that is why they work. Most of the times it is a concept that does not work in the long run. But I am not surprised somebody with a life’s task as enormous as yours developes a big need to feel safe and away from it all. I moved from alcohol to procrastinationg and sugar. Only now dealing with the sugar and I am still in a financial shit (getting bigger by the day). Once you get to look at it, everybody around here has areas where we park our issues. I don’t think that is much of a problem, again, unless you a real transferral to other substances. But even then, you made step 1 with alcohol, now make step 2 with, on your own time, deal with what you are dealing with next? Maybe write about it to get it of you chest, get some input?
        I hope to see you around.
        Long, long hug and love to you Light,
        xx, Feeling

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