Day 16: Sober Tears

Yesterday I found myself enslaved to the couch.  I felt myself without energy, depressed, consumed by a dark cloud.  I wanted so bad to reach out to some energy, maybe reach out to some kind of goal, to be productive yet there was nothing there.  I saw nothing to reach to.  No goals, no plans, no money, no ideas etc etc.  So I sat captive to the couch and television with no feelings at all.  Just numbness buzzing in my head.

After hours being in the same spot, several naps later I felt something.  A plan started to form in my head and so I got up, went into my bedroom, curled up in bed, put some piano music on and my tears came flooding within the first few seconds of a song.  I cried out loud feeling utter pain. Excruciating pain. I spoke out loud to my God.

“Lord, please come into this place and help me heal! Father you know how much I hurt, help me through this, give me strength to keep enduring the hardships of this life.”

I cried for my marriage, I cried for my stepchildren, I cried for my sons whom are losing their lives to their disease of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (this is where it really hurts) and I cried for myself.  I acknowledge the pain of the little girl within me and I told her silently that we will be okay. I asked God to take care of us, to protect us and we do the hard things in our lives.

And then a miracle!  I thanked the pain. I thanked him for making me stronger, for giving me courage and for strengthening my faith.

I felt so much better and felt renewed.

Sober tears were good to me and I am thankful for them.

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

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3 Replies to “Day 16: Sober Tears”

  1. Cry out to Jesus. Give it all to him. On August 6th next month I will share 4 years sober on here. My life came out from me I lost myself, and my family too. Most of all I had to come and repent and the feet of Jesus. Where I was once grounded on solid ground. My handling of failing of my exhusbands marriage vows was to find solace in a bottle. Morning, noon, day, amd night. No hour tool early or to late as long as I did not feel the pain. So not only were my kids losing their parents and family they lost me to drinking. Their dad is an alcoholic too, but that is whole other story. All too gory. Instead of being strong, and taking my kids and seperating I fell apart. Finally my life is back on order. Remarried, relationships retored (some still in the making). God saved me with His blood shed, and grace. Keep going!! Keep crying out to Jesus!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lisa, thank you so much for the encouragement! God keeps showing up the more I allow him in those desperate cries. The more I run to Him instead of booze, the more he shows me His power and strength in my situations. Praise be to God. God bless you sister. Again, thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me. It blesses me

      Liked by 1 person

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