Yesterday I found myself enslaved to the couch. I felt myself without energy, depressed, consumed by a dark cloud. I wanted so bad to reach out to some energy, maybe reach out to some kind of goal, to be productive yet there was nothing there. I saw nothing to reach to. No goals, no plans, no money, no ideas etc etc. So I sat captive to the couch and television with no feelings at all. Just numbness buzzing in my head.
After hours being in the same spot, several naps later I felt something. A plan started to form in my head and so I got up, went into my bedroom, curled up in bed, put some piano music on and my tears came flooding within the first few seconds of a song. I cried out loud feeling utter pain. Excruciating pain. I spoke out loud to my God.
“Lord, please come into this place and help me heal! Father you know how much I hurt, help me through this, give me strength to keep enduring the hardships of this life.”
I cried for my marriage, I cried for my stepchildren, I cried for my sons whom are losing their lives to their disease of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (this is where it really hurts) and I cried for myself. I acknowledge the pain of the little girl within me and I told her silently that we will be okay. I asked God to take care of us, to protect us and we do the hard things in our lives.
And then a miracle! I thanked the pain. I thanked him for making me stronger, for giving me courage and for strengthening my faith.
I felt so much better and felt renewed.
Sober tears were good to me and I am thankful for them.
Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.