Never had I ever had thoughts nor wishes nor desires of owning a cat. I labeled myself as a dog person and thought I disliked cats. I believed the superstitions surrounding them and had a personal almost hate for them. You see, my ex husband had brought two kittens home and soon after, he abandoned me and our son. I was pregnant and was left to clean the kitty litter. Five months into my pregnancy I fell extremely ill and found that the bacteria the kitty litter carried got into my placenta and shortly after, I misscarried.
Fast forward twelve years and 11 months later, as I walked out of a bar with my current husband and some friends of ours, I heard a loud meeeeoow. I looked down and saw this sweet kitten looking right at me.
Immediately I felt a strong bond with him. We connected instantly. I picked him up and my husband insisted I set him back down and let him go, but he followed me all the way to our car and home he went with me.
He became my companion. He was always there when I worked on craft projects,
When I showered my sons and when I was getting ready. Always by my side he was.
Now as I write, I am again filled with pain and tears. I don’t want to share exactly what happened as it’s too personal and involves my husband too much and I don’t want to speak for him, just know that my Merlin is no longer with me and it’s breaking my heart!
My love is no longer with me and it hurts! I woke up this morning and sobbed from the physical pain I felt due to my heartache. He has been gone since yesterday. I seriously wonder if I will ever live without this pain? I felt I couldn’t breath this morning from the pain.
How am I going to get over this? I hurt so bad. If it feels like this with losing my pet love, how much more the pain of one day losing my children to their disease? Oh God, help me! I won’t be able to bare it!?
It’s been an incredibly tough day and yet I remained sober. Sad, depressed, in ugly tears, but sober. My boys helped me so much today. They laid with me, prayed for me and gave me lots of kisses as they reassure me it will be okay.
But will it? Will my heart forever ache for him?