Day 55: The Lame and BrokenHearted

Woke up to a rainy and dreary morning. I’m thankful for it as it gives me permission to feel the gloominess of my soul. Being my children’s only caregiver and only parent with no rest doesn’t allow me to stop and feel sometimes. 

I felt lonely and alone. You see, I am fatherless as are my boys and my family lacks the tools to be supportive of me and my life and circumstances. I realized as I pondered this loneliness that for all of my life, this feeling has been with me. Neglected and abused as a child, kicked out of the home as a teen and then cycling from one destructive unloving relationship after another…I’ve always felt lonely, unlovable with a constant heartbreak. 

I know I have my God and I chose to be grateful for my circumstances as they keep me close to him. As I started to mourn over my dreams of a “happily ever after,” I felt my God calling me to his word. 

I have recently started drawing in my bible. As I ponder a verse, I draw and pray. 

At first glance at this verse, I wanted so badly to pray this prayer over my boys whom are confined to their wheelchairs. I wanted to call out in the Name of Jesus for them to GET UP AND WALK! “Lord, Lord…how shall I pray? What are you telling me here!”

As I kept drawing, it came to me. We all live in a fallen world full of pain, sorrow and sadness. God showed me where I was lame. The dictionary defines lame as this:

:having an injured leg or foot that makes walking difficult or painful

: not strong, good, or effective

: not smart or impressive

I can relate to the last two definitions. Yes! I have disabilities. Not visible, yet they are here within me. I alone can’t be strong enough to conquer these difficulties, I am not so good in character that only good should be in my life. I am not effective in tackling this world alone. I am neither smart or impressive enough to outsmart pain and sorrow. NO! I need help. I need Him who has conquered death, He whom promises to never leave me nor forsake me.  All I need to mend this lame and broken heart is Faith in Jesus Christ. And that’s all I need.  


7 Replies to “Day 55: The Lame and BrokenHearted”

  1. Your faith is powerful and will see you through these tough times. All you can do sometimes is to allow yourself to feel and to let your faith do the driving, shouldering some of the burden. And, of course, writing helps. Big hug. I think you are very strong and I admire you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m humbles by your sweet comment. Thank you so very much.

      “All you can do sometimes is to allow yourself to feel and to let your faith do the driving, shouldering some of the burden.” This is beautiful. So many times we just want to fix and we end up in the way of God’s plans and him growing us up. Your words gives permission to “be still and know he is God.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your addiction is not your fault. Doing something about it, always, is your responsibility. It’s that simple. And, from what I’ve read, you’re doing a great job.

        God, or your Higher Power is now in charge. You can unburden yourself from running the show. Maintain and grow your spirituality, and the answers will be procided.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. No alcohol or drug is addictive. There has to be another component. And, that is childhood trauma. People drink alcohol and take drugs every day with impunity. I fact, the majority of people do. Why is it that a very small percentage of the population become addicted? Childhood trauma – physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment – divorce, spousal abuse, death of a parent(s) etc. We become alcoholics and drugs addicts. So, don’t ask, why the addiction. Ask, why the pain!


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